Husband Vs Wife... ART OF LIFE

I am dying  Husband texts to wife on cell..  "Hi, what r u doing Darling?" Wife: I'm dying..! Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?" Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.." Husband: "Bloody English Language! Angry wife to her husband An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:    "Where d Hell Are You ...?" Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:) Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love! Husband: I ‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop    A Special Package for Business Men. An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free. After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip. All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?"    Husband was seriously ill Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels, Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok. On the way home.. Husband: what did the doc say ? Wife:- .No chance for u to survive    An intelligent wife ''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"    New SIM to surprise her husband Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling" The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..    Wife treats husband A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday .. At The Club: Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You? Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?           Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?           Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim       Do You Crave Special Again? The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi.. Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.." Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday    Cool message by a wife Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"   Sweet demand by kid A Sweet demand by a kid.   A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son?       Kid said-I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own.   Lion bounced on wife In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.       WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!         SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..    Throwing knives on wife's picture Husband was throwing knives on wife’s picture. All were missing the target!         Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what r u doing?"   His honest reply, "MISSING U" I will think about it When a married man says "I'll think about it", What he really means that,  He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..    Habbit of talking in sleep A Lady to Doctor:     My husband has  habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure? Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake      Part & Art of living Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living... But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.   Head & Neck of the family It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the Neck of the family & the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.    Wife: Do you want dinner? Wife: Do you want dinner?   Husband: Sure, what are my choices?         Wife: Yes and no.    What is the Difference between Mother & Wife? What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?     A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.    To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire  Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife." Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.     Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"     Millionaire: "A Billionaire"   I look at your picture and the problem disappears  Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?       Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?    Wife: honey what r u looking 4? Wife: honey, what r u looking 4?     Husband: nothing Wife: why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour?           Husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date    Do you know the meaning of WIFE? Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...     Without Information, Fighting Everytime! WIFE says: No darling, it means:     With Idiot For Ever    Wife wish 2 be a newspaper Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in ur hands all day. Husband: I too wish that u were a newspaper so I could have a new one every day.    Can I make a call to my wife? A man in Hell asked Devil:   Can I make a call to my Wife?         After making call he asked how much to pay.         Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.            WIFE IS DANGEROUS LOVE IS LIFE           LIFE IS WIFE           WIFE IS KNIFE and   KNIFE IS DANGEROUS    What if you don't see me for 2 days? A man came home late at night after a party.         His wife yelled:         "how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"     The man couldn’t believe his luck: 'that would be great'!   Monday passed and he didn’t see her......   Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....     On Thursday his swelling became better     And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.    Why women starts with W You know why women starts with 'W'...       because all questions start with "W".. !       Who ?         Why ?           What ?         When ?       Which ?       Whom ?       Where ?       & Finally Wife..!!!    NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt,           Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife,   NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.    Difference between Friend & Wife Difference between Friend & Wife U can Tell ur Friend "U r my Best Friend"     But Do u have courage to tell to ur Wife "U r my Best Wife?"    Dream of receiving jewellery & cloths Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream  that u were sending me jewellery and clothes! Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!      Message of the year Message of the year:-         Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!         Why? Very simple... A woman does not have a wife..!!!       Husband to a newly wed wife Husband to a newly wed wife: I could go to the end of the world for you. Wife: Thanks, but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life.   Your husband needs rest Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills. Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?           Doctor: They are for you.!!

Ultimate Love Letter...........Awesome mail......but d best part is signature...

(By a Programmer...  )

Sweetheart ,

I`ve seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time I`ve been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.

My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless.

You are not only beautiful but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well.

Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.

When you looked at me last Sunday, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. /*which I never experienced before.*/

With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked together, I will provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life.

Also don`t bother about the firewall which may be created by our parents as I have strong hacking capabilities by which I`ll ultimately break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage .

I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail.
And its all but certain that if
this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery.

Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox. Error free...

Best Regards,
Software Programmer
Today This company
Tomorrow Other Company
But always want  your  company!

Here are 12 craziest Inventions by Japanese

#1 DRYER FOR NAILS

After "painting" your nails, simply put the hand below these tiny tubes, and pimp the air with your other hand.

#2 BUTTER IN STICK
Quick,easy and accurate way to apply butter on bread. 

#3 UMBRELLA WHICH COLLECTS WATER
Umbrella That protects from rain and also enables you to collect water in chamber which you can carry around your waist.

#4 LIPSTICK MASK

For more accurate lipstick.

#5 FAKE FOOTSTEPS

You can rotate its sole by 180 degree.

#6 SPAGHETTI COOLING
Well described in photo below.

#7 GLASSES FOR EYE DROPS

#8  FOR DADDIES
Now men can also feed milk to babies,no excuse.

#9 COOL HELMET
For sleeping in metro or train.

#10 AMAZING UMBRELLA
Not even single drop of rain.

#11 CHEW METER

Well weird one ,i couldn't understand its use.

#12 FINGER TOOTH BRUSH
This one is cool.

SO WHAT'S YOUR REVIEW ?

This is called Discipline...!!!!

25 Ways To Be Healthier

1.)      Brush twice a day!


2.)     Dress right for the weather.


3.)      Visit the dentist regularly.  



4.)     Get plenty of rest.


5.)       Make sure your hair is dry before going outside..

  

6.)     Eat right.



7.)     Get outside in the sun every once in a while.



8.)      Always wear a seatbelt.



9.)   Control your drinking of alcoholic beverages.





10.)  Smile!  It will make you feel better.

  

11.)    Don't over indulge yourself.




12.)   Bathe regularly.





13.)   Read to exercise the brain.





14.)  Surround yourself with friends.





15.)   Stay away from too much caffeine.





16.)  Use the bathroom regularly.

 



17.)  Get plenty of exercise.





18.)   Have your eyes checked regularly.





19.)  Eat plenty of vegetables. 



20.) Believe that people will like you for who you are.





21.)   Forgive and forget.



22.)  Take plenty of vacations.





23.)  Celebrate all special occasions.





24.)  Pick up a hobby.





24.) Love your neighbor as yourself.  


               
 25.) Send this to your
computer buds to give them a warm fuzzy! 

Jokes :D

Crack: A man opened petrol pump, but not even 1 customer went there.
Jack: y?
Crack: Because he opened petrol pump on second floor. 

Height Of Illiteracy:
You take a Blade
Write your Lover's Name on your Arm.
and
Make A Spelling Mistake. 

U know why Women starts with "W"
cause al Questions start with "W"
Who?
Why?
What?
when?
Which?
Whom?
Where?
Wife..? 

What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?
A kiss is so dear,
a car is too dear and
a monkey is you dear. 

Height of Craziness?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed. 

What is the diff between 'U' and 'I'
.
.
.
.
'U' are a curved line and 'I' am a straight line 

Q: What do you do
when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like
hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. 

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. 

Everyone makes mistakes but only your girlfriends, wife and boss have gifted talent of finding, remembering and reminding it to U. 

Argument between British and INDIA.
British: we spoiled your mother Land for 200yrs
India: we spoil your mother tongue daily 

TEACHER: how do you spell crocodile?
JOHN:K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L
TEACHER: No that is wrong
JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 

n USA
Daughter: Dad,
I got married yesterday evening.
I 4got 2 in4m u.
Dad: Its ok child.
But next time Don’t f4get 2 invite me 

Teacher: There is frog, potato cost Rs 3,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
STUDENT: my sister is 16yrs she’s half MAD 

Boss asked worker
to buy two corner tickets for a movie
to watch with his Girlfriend.
Sardar bought two corner tickets
A1 and A25 

Top 3 colleges rule: 1:Be quite in the class because others are sleeping 2:Books it works as pillow 3:keep the campus clean so be absent 

MALL LOVE STORY:
"HE PROPOSED
SHE SMILED
BUT
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
NO TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE DIED" 

Two persons stopped suddenly.
1st Sardar: Oh My God, My wife and my girlfriend coming together.
2nd person: Mine too. 

Doctors after operation..
and students after exams have same thing 2 Say.....
V tried your best....
right now..
we can’t say anything.. 

A man in Hell asked Devil: Can I make a call 2 my Wife?
after making call he asked how much 2 pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell 2 hell is Free

Check ur brain power

Here are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

 

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

 

Ready?

 

GO!!!

 

===========

 

First Question:

 

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Answer: If you answered that you are first, and then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!

 

Try not to screw up next time.

Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

===========

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

 

```````````````````````````````````````````

 

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

 

You're not very good at this, are you?

 

 

 

===========

 

Third Question:

Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

 

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.

Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000

Now add 10. What is the total?

 

 

Did you get 5000?

 

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!  Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right.......Maybe.

 

===========

Fourth Question:

 

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Did you Answer Nunu?

NO! Of course it isn't.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

===========

Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush.  By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

 

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

He just has to open his mouth and ask...

It's really very simple.......... Like you!

 

 
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Some people are really abnormal !!!