Funniest Status Messages Ever...!

• The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue
• As u grow older ur secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either
• Forget Health Food. I’m at an age where i need all the preservatives i can get.
• My take home pay doesn’t ven take me home.
• I would be unstoppable. If i could just get started.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• Reason I joined IT: I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo.
• Reason I joined IT:Everything in life has a reason; i wanted to prove it wrong.
• A day without sunshine is like, night.
• Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
• Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice : 99% Sound and 1% Advice….
• Death is hereditary.
• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
• Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
• Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
• Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. What u prefer??
• I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
• I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
• If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
• Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.
• Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice : 99% Sound and 1% Advice….
• Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!
• Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
• When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
• We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
• My friend recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says “the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs… ..”
• Love is holding hands in the street.Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
• Love is cuddling on a sofa.Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
• Love is going to bed early.Marriage is going to sleep early.
• Tv has no place in love.Marriage is a fight for remote control.
• Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!